TIME, THY ENEMY?
Time seems to always be slipping through my fingers. Perhaps though, it's just how I perceive time and the possible consequences of thinking on it.
I remember an incident not long after I finished art school yet before I found an art job. I believe it was a week night. My girlfriend at the time had recently landed an art job (I think), and I was still looking. I wanted to do some cafe drawing, because I was cooped up inside all day either working on a portfolio or looking for work, so we went to the mall. I needed to relax but I also wanted to get some practice in.
While I was drawing, I received a call. I don't remember what the call was about, but when I told them I was at the mall drawing they were not happy. You see, this person paid for most of my art tuition and, I can only surmise, they thought that I was wasting my time (and thereby their money) by sitting around in a mall drawing people instead of looking for work or some way to make money.
Even prior to that incident, I have muddled up the idea of relaxing verses productivity so much that even when I am actually relaxing I'm tense and worried!
My mind is always thinking but not usually in a good way. Most of the time it's fretting about this or that or this other thing and it's just a huge mess up in there.
I'm reading a booked called 'Steal Like and Artist" by Austin Kleon and I when I came upon this bit the first thought in my mind was "I want to do many things but I can't because time is running out" and I wrote this post. Here's what he said;
"Learn to code. Figure out how to make a website. Figure out blogging. Figure out Twitter and social media and all that other stuff. Find people on the Internet who love the same things as you and connect with them. Share things with them."
I'll make a list right now off the top of my head of some things that I want to do or learn;
-Write and illustrate a fictional story or graphic novel
-Write a non-fiction adventure story
-Be known as a really good environment and character artist
-Be able to draw the figure entirely from my imagination
-Create my own video game(s) and do the following; come up with the idea, write the story, do the art (2D and 3D), design the levels and puzzles, create music for it (if only temporary), design the gameplay, program it where necessary, design the production schedule, learn to market and publish it. I've probably left out some steps.
-Make music (guitar, piano, and voice)
-Be able to repair and modify cars
-Be able to easily hold a conversation with anyone
Not only do you need to dedicate hundreds or thousands of hours to each of those things, but a few of them require multiple disciplines! I've let myself become overwhelmed by the idea of failure to the point that I rarely start anything new. When I used to do new things, I remember that as soon as I saw that I was going to fail at it, I would stop doing that thing and move on to something else. After failing like that a bunch of times I am petrified of starting something new.
And that's the hole I am trying to dig myself out of :)
This was more of a 'from the hip' post about something that I hadn't really put into writing before. Apologies for lack of any useful lesson to take away from this. I'll try to do that on the next post :)